Dinner Is Now an Entrance Exam

The Michelin Guide says its stars assess cooking; the formality of a restaurant does not determine the award. Michelin Guide

At The Second Seating, the kitchen's abilities have already been established to the kitchen's satisfaction. The evening is devoted to yours. There are twelve courses, several opportunities for discussion and, for successful candidates, dessert.

We suggest eating beforehand. Choose something you can consume while thinking about something else.

Applying for a table

Reservations open six weeks ahead. The form asks for a memorable meal and a short explanation of why it mattered. A birthday or the company of someone you love is unlikely to advance your application. You should be able to isolate the cooking from whatever was happening to you at the time.

The statement of intent is limited to five hundred words. Applicants who exceed this will be asked to explain what they were unable to leave out. Applicants who use fewer than two hundred should consider whether they are ready.

Joint applications are welcome, but each diner must demonstrate an independent reason for being there. “My wife booked it” does not satisfy this requirement.

Finding your level

On arrival, a host will ask whether you have eaten the chef's food before. If not, a short preparatory conversation can establish which kinds of pleasure you have been accepting in its place.

The menu begins with “Turnip.” You will be asked to say it aloud and justify your emphasis. This is an ordinary English word; no special accent is required. The difficulty is explaining why, after everything the kitchen has done, you still sound as though you mean a turnip.

A diner at the next table may intervene helpfully. Thank them. The server will have noticed the intervention and will adjust the seating plan after the first course.

Couples should not take this personally. It is quite common for one partner to progress more quickly.

Participating in the meal

The bread is excellent. Its crust breaks in thin flakes; the warm center takes the butter without collapsing. There is a moment before the server returns when it is possible simply to eat it.

Use that time.

The accompanying explanation lasts nine minutes. It concerns the chef's decision to return to bread after several years of questioning it. Nod when the server pauses. On our visit, a man who said he had always liked bread was asked what he meant by “always.” His wife was subsequently moved nearer the kitchen.

Further bread is available to diners who can show that they have engaged fully with the first portion. The empty plate is insufficient evidence.

The main course is served with a small sprig of watercress. Before you eat it, you must situate it in the literature. Two references are usually accepted, although the garnish may request a more recent source. This will be conveyed discreetly by the server, who is not responsible for the garnish's decision.

The fish may be eaten while the application is pending. Take care not to disturb the watercress. It is reviewing your notes.

When you need support

If you dislike a course, mention this privately. The restaurant provides a quiet room where a tutor can help you reconstruct what happened between the plate arriving and your reaching that conclusion.

Bring the pencil supplied with your menu. You may find it useful to diagram the pleasure you believe was missing.

Diners who repeatedly describe things as “nice” receive a foundation portion and can rejoin their companions once they have developed the observation. No one is made to feel unwelcome. A member of staff will sit with you for as long as your booking allows.

Defending your dessert

Dessert follows an oral examination. A waiter places the chocolate tart just beyond reach while the chef asks how your understanding of the meal has changed since admission.

Be specific. The tart is warm and will not remain so throughout a general statement of gratitude.

A strong answer returns to the turnip with a newly qualified emphasis. A weak answer mentions hunger. Examiners may permit a second attempt, but the tart will be removed during deliberations to avoid influencing your response.

Paying and leaving

The bill itemizes tuition, materials and use of the quiet room. Withdrawal before dessert does not reduce these charges. Diners wishing to appeal should keep their annotated menu; recollection alone is rarely accepted.

Successful candidates may book the advanced menu. Everyone else is encouraged to return next term.

At the cloakroom, you will receive a paper bag containing a single madeleine. Do not worry if you failed the oral examination. This part can be completed at home.

There is a question beneath the doily.

Factual versus fictional: The Michelin citation supports only the opening description of its star criteria. The Second Seating, its admissions, menu, assessments, charges and events are invented. No real restaurant is reviewed or accused.

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