Employees Ordered Back to Office to Attend Video About Human Connection

From the internal correspondence of Latchbridge, with observations from its office.

TO: ALL COLLEAGUES SUBJECT: THE VALUE OF BEING HERE

Tuesday marks our return to the office and the beginning of a more connected chapter. Please be at your desks by 8:45 for a 9 a.m. livestream on the value of face-to-face communication.

Join from your own laptop. Sharing a screen will prevent one of you from being counted. Headphones are essential: hearing a colleague's audio in the room creates an echo that makes it harder to hear the same colleague online.

We look forward to seeing everyone together.

At 8:47, facilities assistant Bea Hurst sat beside Owen, a colleague she knew principally as initials inside a blue circle. He was taller than she expected. They smiled, then put on their headphones. A message arrived from him asking if she could hear the hold music.

The film showed employees laughing around a table. Bea recognized the table. She had moved it into storage to make room for additional individual workstations.

TO: ALL COLLEAGUES SUBJECT: SPONTANEITY, AT SCALE

Some of our best ideas emerge from conversations nobody planned to have. To ensure equal access to these moments, please book them through the shared calendar.

Each reservation requires a topic and an expected outcome. You may leave the outcome open by selecting “Other” and explaining what you expect to leave open. Please allow two working days for genuinely unexpected participants.

The booking system is now live. Early demand has been encouraging, and spontaneous interaction is fully booked through November.

Bea put in a request to get to know Owen. His manager declined it on the grounds that both had attended Tuesday's film.

On Wednesday, they met in the kitchen. The handle had come off Owen's mug, and he was considering how to get hot tea into something he could carry. Bea fetched another mug. As they poured, he held up the detached handle and said it had gone into consulting. Bea laughed more than the remark required. Owen did too.

TO: ALL COLLEAGUES SUBJECT: VISIBLE ENGAGEMENT

Thank you for your positive response to our presence initiative. The next phase will help colleagues experience that positivity directly.

An image of an engaged expression is attached. Note the relaxed forehead and the suggestion that something of interest has just occurred. This is a reference rather than a strict template; authentic variations are welcome with your manager's approval.

Please practice away from your desk so that practice expressions do not affect live engagement measurements. A room has been set aside for this purpose.

Bea's manager stopped by to ask whether everything was all right. Bea had been concentrating on an invoice. She said everything was fine. The manager waited until her face supported the answer.

Owen was asked about the incident in the kitchen. He repeated the joke, but it sounded different in the small meeting room. His manager asked what, specifically, about consulting had created a moment of connection. Owen said it had been more to do with the mug. The incident was logged as an equipment issue.

TO: ALL COLLEAGUES SUBJECT: LEADERSHIP YOU CAN ALMOST TOUCH

On Friday, our executive director will address the office as a life-size hologram. The technology gives us the immediacy of his presence wherever he happens to be.

Please extend your usual courtesies. Avoid walking through the speaker, even if doing so would shorten your route to the printer. Questions should be submitted in advance using the standard form.

The hologram arrived wearing a shirt of unusual whiteness. It said there was a particular energy that came from being in the same room. Someone opened the blinds, and part of its jacket disappeared.

The demonstration was considered a success until the attendance review established that its source was the director's home. The hologram received a warning for remote work. It pointed out that it had spent the morning standing beside the office ficus. HR said that a representation of presence did not meet the standard, irrespective of how many people could see it.

The director came in. With two of him now in the room, the attendance figure exceeded the headcount. Neither could leave without reducing the team's score. They stood side by side while a manager tried to work out which one had logged in first.

At five, Bea found Owen beside the coat cupboard. He was holding a new mug, which his partner had dropped off on her way past. He showed Bea the handle. She took it from him and tested it gravely. They both laughed.

They held the door for each other. The dashboard registered two exits.

Factual note: The company, people, correspondence, events, and hologram are invented. This is an evergreen satire, not an account of any real employer's policy.

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