The Toilet Paper That Stayed Dry

*Satire. This is a fictional scene, not a report about a real guest, property, or product.* In this fictional Airbnb stay, a guest let a roll of toilet paper slip from their hand. It landed in the toilet. They waited for the usual ending: the outer sheets darkening, the edges loosening, the roll becoming an object nobody wanted to claim. The water moved. The roll appeared unmoved. The guest watched for a dark patch. None appeared. They looked at the holder, then back at the bowl. The holder was empty. The roll in the water was still shaped like a roll. A message to the host would have required explaining that the toilet paper was fine, which was precisely the problem. A report might have called it unexpected moisture resistance. That would make the incident sound like a feature. It did not explain what a bathroom roll was for if it refused to absorb water. The water had accepted the roll. The roll had declined the terms. The guest looked at the roll, then at the empty holder. "What am I wiping my ass with?"